4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
