I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
