So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
