I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He shit in the fireplace
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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