You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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