Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
