My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
