last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
