Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
