some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
