she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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