I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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