remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
