my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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