I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
