i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
