im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
