Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
