I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
