He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
