i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
