I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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