Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
