You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
