We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
