I CAN MOONWALK!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
