it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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