Princesses don't give blow jobs
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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