I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
