You just made me feel so damn special
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
