Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
