Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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