upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
