so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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