There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
organizing the empties. That sober.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
