I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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