It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
