If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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