do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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