Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
