No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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