She's JV to your varsity
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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