Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
