Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
