Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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