somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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