It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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