It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
