i can't believe i had my finger in that
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
