If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
