I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
