There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Terrible idea I love it
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
