Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Farmville is her only friend.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
