Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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