So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
